thank god for my inner woman really. 

man if my father heard me he'd slap the beige out of me. which i guess is sort of the point. 

i'm evolving from low-life to no life. spent a rare day off buying video games and dvds and carrots and corn cobbs, and i swear i'm having the time of my year right now.

five seasons in and i don't know if i love or hate girls. the show not the gender (sorry, g-word, i know. side note: what a world).

and actually that does bring a question to my mind as my inner woman keeps growing (stop laughing), do i still need women in my life for other shit than what my straight 30yo male leads me to. i've been getting into fights so much lately i barely noticed amost all of them were against women. you name them. and in my mind it's a million times worst.

i only met one woman who to me is the epitome, the definition of womanhood and feminity almost in a mythological way and that's nicole. i love zoe same way i used to love lena, because they seem genderless and it makes me able to connect. 

i feel like, from here, now.. i can't take another fucking fashion week. the delays get so short, alright let's not lie, this is fucked up this is a fucked industry and a fucked business. anyone who'll tell you otherwise you shouldn't trust. 

and i feel you shouldn't trust anybody period, especially after this weekend.

wait was that aurora in the cat cafe?

at this point i think about death a lot. of course. 

not in the sense of suicide more like you know, what's coming. maybe you don't know and that's okay. but i think about it. it'll happen soon and.i can only hope the end will be more lo-fi than my emo start. 

i feel like going to japan in april. i'm supposed to go next fall but i feel like it now. i'm so uninspired anything to jump start my soul back in this mess i swear i feel like i'm reverse running and not knocking anything down. what's the point.