rest in peace nigel cabourn

omg

 

 omg!! marisa would be proud

 

 things have a way of aligning themselves, that’s if you let them.

take a step back from the noise and watch the whole scene, and things become clearer no matter how painful it seems.

at this point if i’m gonna move forward with who i’m trying to be, it’s obvious i need newness in my relationships as well as my habits. i learned that from tokyo, well at least it for sure gave me the distance i needed to realize what i miss while i’m there. not even close. 

not even close how i miss my friends there, be it locals or friends i made while paths crossing, that’s alex levin suhail yura guan, and how in reverse the ones i’d miss would be the ones i’d see no matter what. i have no friends here. wait no let me rephrase that. i do i just need to do my part more. i need to pour my energy into people and things that are up to date regarding who i am, and it’s all there if i abandon these bad habits for good. falling back onto known warm territory is an illusion. old friends don’t love me they only need me for comparison and want me to be miserable with them.

shoutout to marco. luka, bri, ron, yohann. malik of course. paul, sam, audrey and every friend i’ll make here to balance out my life.

TWDY tonight, with an open heart. might find a wifey just for the irony. might go cry to tali afterwards.

 hehe

 

 

seeing them live in september, for more bobby olive era redux

 

 

 live tomorrow, can’t wait. re-living my bobby era and it feels perfect.

TWDY this friday, and fete de la musique at Gush with the family is all i need to start this summer right. might spend july by myself as i need to recenter, and plan my birthday and my november tokyo trip. all these long term plans start to hurt my head i need some silence and distance from people. anybody who’s anybody i have their number anyway. instagram will wait til i have something to say, although i’ll miss sako and risako.

 

 juste une réincarnation de mon corps dans un lit près du tien. j'me suis promis un futur, je l'ai déguisé en toi jamais j'aurai cru te voir de si près jamais, jamais j'aurais cru toucher tes murs tes cheveux allumer ta lumière être ta dernière image avant que tu rêves d'autres rêves.

j'ai dessiné sur ton dos des routes ratées des itinéraires faux, j'ai écrit sur ton sein des discours sans estrade sans public sans voix. 

ce n'était pas moi, juste un autre dans mon corps juste d'autres lettres dans mon nom.

 

 time to have a kid and maybe get married. enough about me. plus in lieu of a network i built a whole international village to raise her with me.

 

 these past two years have been the best era of my life, and the blueprint for the years to come. i'm forever grateful. i feel complete.

 

 

 goodbye haru. thank you for showing me i could feel this way again. i’ll never forget these moments sitting by the counter watching you. i’m sorry i didn’t give you the time and attention you deserved and disappointed you. i could have all the excuses, but it doesn’t matter. i’ll always think of you when i’m playing all these songs.

the biggest win of this last trip. outside of the hatos girls, and despite losing haruka’s attention.

 

gonna be a humble, sober summer. probably gonna write a lot.

flowers for haruka. 

 

 thank you kato-san. legendary squad right there. 

fecromass, selfless service, guillermina, me, kato, megumi

 i need to find some balance. i thought these past years investing everything on my self and my freedom would have strongly imposed who i would be forever, but obviously there’s a lot of work to do in managing all this matter and finding a time and a place for it all.

the late night drugged out loud thumping in full julius and rick outfits starts to clash too violently with the popeye mag coffee and flowers visions. because that’s just what it is at this point, visions. the ambition and almost illusion of stability and nujabes tapes strolling around in red socks and 3-eye timbs is way more difficult to grasp than it appears on pictures. because let’s face it, it’s extremely BORING. and more than half of the dudes doing it look corny and lame (here i go). 

but yea, it’s healthy. it looks colorful and balanced, it seems more accepting to others and kawaii girlfriend to hold hands with while the other side is FUN but it’s exhausting and it looks a way to the harukas of the world. it looks bad, irresponsible, destructive. syn and i spent an incredible evening yesterday from super trad restaurant to loco mosquito pop up to beat cafe taking pictures with the owner and have Nothing call me gang (for fuck’s sake). how do i explain to the cute baristas that the biggest influence on my mood and esthetic is heavy dark music that i find extremely poetic. to them it’s torture and trouble. to me it’s freedom. 

so yea, sorry P sorry i wrote so much about you. it could never have worked in reality. it never made sense. now that i’m in the heart of the popeye capital i feel how distant i always was from it. sorry haruka. i bought you flowers at your favorite store. i’ll drop them in from of meaningress before flying back. made me want to open a flower shop. a dark post-punk heavy shoegaze flower shop.